Colby is here!

Colby arrived, May 31st at 4:37pm after a relatively quick 9-hour labor.

His birth story sort of starts on Friday, May 30th. I was 7 days past my due date and feeling antsy. My midwife had suggested that if I didn't go into labor by Monday, that I could try taking a shot of castor oil (known for inducing labor - unfortunately, also known for causing terrible diarrhea). The weekend would be so much more convenient for Erin and me (since we run a business from home) and I figured 2 days wouldn't matter much either way so Erin and I decided that I should take a shot of castor oil Saturday morning instead of Monday. I knew the midwife had delivered another woman's baby on Thursday and then was heading over to our friend M's house because her water had broken on Wednesday but she was still only having mild contractions by Thursday night.

Saturday morning, we set an alarm for 6am and I took 2oz of castor oil (mixed with some italian ice in the blender to dilute the taste) and went back to bed. I woke up at 7:30am feeling the need to vomit and ran to the bathroom. As I got to the bathroom, I decided it might be best to sit on the toilet with the trash in my lap as other "rumblings" seemed to be starting. I did "get sick" but everything was fairly mild - nothing like the castor oil horror stories I'd read about. As I was using the toilet, it seemed like I'd "peed" an awful lot. I wondered if maybe my water broke. I knew if it really was my water that it would keep leaking. Sure enough, I kept dripping but I was fairly concerned to see that the fluid was greenish-tinged - there was obviously some meconium in the water. Sometimes, meconium means the baby is in distress, but it is also fairly common in babies who are not in distress (especially the farther they are past their due date).

Mild contractions had sort of already started before I woke up but I was wasn't really super-aware of them.

I called the midwife and she reassured me that the meconium was OK as long as it wasn't heavy or dark - something like that - she told me a few really important things to watch out for that I completely forget now but said that other than that, it was totally OK.

Then, the midwife explained that she had JUST crawled into bed less than 2 hours earlier because our friend M didn't have her baby until over 72 hours after her water broke and about 48 hours of hard labor. Then, of course I felt like such a horrible, horrible, bitch for inducing my own labor without talking to her about it first. I couldn't bear to tell her that I'd taken the castor oil.

She said that it sounded like everything was still pretty mild and that early labor can take a while so she thought it might be best if I just sort of hang out and call her back if I need her or in 2 hours even if nothing has changed.

I was a little anxious to hear his heartbeat since there was meconium but I also really trusted my midwife's judgement (even running on 3 days without sleep) so I decided to be OK with waiting.

I didn't want to obsess about timing the contractions - I've heard that can be a real downfall for some women because they start counting down the seconds to the next one and tensing up with the anticipation which only makes things worse. I really wanted to just "go with the flow" so I paced around for a while and just let myself get used to the contractions. I tried different things for dealing with each one. They were very similar to period cramps but they came in little waves that got stronger and stronger before slowly getting weaker and weaker. Even within each contraction, the little waves made the actual peak of the pain only a second or two.

I noticed that each contraction was followed by this real wave of "happy feelings". It was very clearly like when you get an IV at the hospital and they tell you, this should give you a happy feeling any second now - and then it just washes over you. Like a warm, drowsy, good feeling. I tried to explain this all to Erin. That I would try to focus on the warm, happy drugged feeling that I knew would come after each painful experience. The feeling was also overwhelmingly peaceful.

At 9am, I started timing the contractions and they were never more than 3 min apart. (no further "getting sick" at all during this time). By 9:30, I called the midwife. It was a little less than 2 hours but I told her I was starting to feel like things were ramping-up quickly. She agreed that it was time for her to come over. The midwife arrived at our house about an hour later (she lives 40 minutes away).

The contractions steadily increased in intensity but I was able to talk myself through them and rock or sway (lying or standing). I would repeat things like "let it come" "don't fight it" or whatever came to mind over and over. As the pain of each contraction increased, the peaceful, groggy feeling between them increased too - I actually fell asleep several times between contractions. I'd open my eyes as another one would start and Erin would say "you were snoring!". The other weird effect this had was that I would always think that labor must have stopped because I felt like 20 minutes or so had passed - really it was never more than 3 minutes between contractions.

As the contractions got more and more intense, I found myself slipping farther and farther into myself - into blackness. I saw the pain in my mind's eye like waves or sort of like a fountain bubbling up stronger and higher each time starting at my pelvis and filling my chest until it would bubble down again slowly. This wasn't where I felt the pain really but for some reason that image kept coming into my mind with each contraction.

Each time that I looked at the clock, I was surprised how much time had passed. This made me really happy. It wasn't like I'd look up and be horrified to see that it had only been 5 minutes. I'd be amazed that it had been hours when really I would not have been shocked no matter what the clock showed. This helped my confidence. At one point, I do actually remember thinking to myself - I'm not scared because I know that I could do this all night if I had to. I vaguely remember thinking something like "I may regret even thinking that!".

The deeper that I got into the darkness, the easier it was to cope with the pain. The tiniest russle of paper or whispering in the room would immediately pull me back to the present though. I couldn't just "float away" if there was even the slightest noise. I feel like that must be some kind of primitive safety feature - like a wild animal being so acutely aware of the sound of a branch cracking nearby. I sort of felt like a bitch asking everyone to be SOOO quiet. It made such a ridiculously HUGE difference in the pain though. I was totally "drugged out" on my own endorphins when the room was quiet and nothing seemed difficult at all. The second I heard even footsteps though, it was like when you wake up from a really awesome dream and squeeze your eyes shut trying desperately to get back into the dream but you know it is too late. The pain would come full-force then but at least I knew that the next one would probably be easier because it would probably be quiet again.

Around maybe 2pm the contractions changed and started forcing me to push. It was weird - such an incredibly weird feeling. Something vaguely like the urge to vomit. You can only control just so much and then your body just convulses entirely of its own control. The problem is that I was only 5cm dilated! Fighting that urge to push was SO hard. That was the hardest part of the labor. I had to blow hard to try to keep from pushing. I could fight off some of the light waves of each contraction but most of the time, that hardest wave would hit and my whole chest would convulse. I'd blow hard and it would sound something like getting the wind knocked out of you. Focusing on blowing at the peak of each little wave of pain totally cleared the haze that had allowed me to cope so well with the pain - suddenly I wasn't able to just let the pain wash over me. I was really angry and frustrated at that point because had I trusted my body and tried so hard to just allow it to lead but now it was doing the "wrong" thing.

I remember asking the midwife to just tell me how many contractions it would be before she checked me again or how much time. She wouldn't at first but finally I think she said "30 minutes". I focused hard on the fact that I had so recently thought about how quickly time had been passing. Surely, I could survive for 30 more minutes.

Luckily, I went from 5cm-10cm in about half an hour. Being told that I could push now was the BEST feeling ever. I think I said something like "you're kidding" and really didn't want to allow myself to believe it yet - just in case she was.

Then, I got this really weird break that I've never heard any other woman describe. In my memory, the contractions totally eased off for about 10-15 minutes and I really felt "totally normal" my head wasn't all woozy or sleepy. I don't know if it was actually 10-15 minutes. My concept of time wasn't great at this point. I was in a fantastic mood though and I asked the midwife's assistants to grab our cameras, the mp3 player to record his first cry, etc. It was really nice to just feel totally fine for a few minutes. Everyone else scrambled around to get supplies ready because we all expected pushing to go pretty quickly.

My mom arrived at this point because her cell phone wasn't getting service so she decided to just "check" to see if I'd tried to call. One of the midwife's assistants came in to the room and told me she was here. I was feeling pretty on-top-of-the-world at that point so I invited her in to watch the delivery (after looking to Erin for her thoughts on that). Fairly soon, contractions started ramping up again and I was actually anxious for them to hurry up and get "productive" because I was anxious to meet our little guy.

Well, pushing turned out to be not quite as easy as I'd hoped. I was sitting in a really cool birthing chair at first and I really liked the idea of giving birth in that but it really just wasn't working. The midwife was checking Colby's heart rate after each contraction and I think everything was still fine at this point but she was strongly suggesting that I try a different position. I tried a few contractions standing, a few leaning with rigid arms against the bed, a few squatting (that hurt like CRAZY but in retrospect I think that was because it was actually working - I just wasn't ready to get quite that intense yet). Then, the midwife suggested that I try just laying on the bed, propped up, sort of like the "standard" position women give birth in. I was skeptical and to be honest, it sounds crazy but I was thinking "I chose a home birth so that I could have the freedom to be in ANY position that I want, how boring!" (hah, little did I know that it would be more like a sick game of Twister by the time it was over).

I reluctantly agreed to try lying down but after the first contraction, the midwife said "The baby doesn't like that position - why don't you get up on all fours". I don't think there was a ton of urgency in her voice but I could tell this was not just a suggestion. She might have said something about it is common for that to really help. I don't remember this at all but Erin said that she also said something about his heart rate dropping and that there seems to be some "cord involvement" .

I got on my hands and knees and within a few contractions, the midwife also gave me some herbal tincture watered down in a shot glass. Things seemed to ramp up a bit. As the contraction would bubble up, I would rock, rock, rock, and wait for the hardest wave before I'd push as hard as I could. Progress was slow. The midwife suggested that I could get more power into each push if I pull one leg up to my chest and then grab it and really push into it with each push. (this is the Twister part). It was sort of like the start of a track-and-field race only none of those runners are 9 months pregnant and naked. As each contraction built, I would pull one leg up. After the contraction, I'd put it down to rest. It was crazy and totally convoluded but it was working so I went with it.

Sometimes when I pushed, I would see stars or fireworks exploding. It really didn't hurt that much for most of the pushing. The very, very end hurt but at that point, I really didn't care anymore. The really ouchy bit was only maybe 15-20 minutes at the end and it was only while I was actually pushing. I don't remember any pain between contractions. That was the mind-fuck part of it though - I had to push but it hurt to push. I couldn't just not push but I was sick of the pain and just wanted a little break or something. I had to make a decision to just plow straight into the pain and go for it. Until I let go and decided to just "go" the labor was never going to be over.

Finally, finally, finally, I felt his head pop out. I took several deep breaths waiting for the next contraction but things started getting a little crazy at that point. Maybe there was one more contraction and I pushed but he was stuck. Then, I felt the level of anxiety in the room mounting. Apparently, Colby's head was turning bright blue. I heard the midwife say "it isn't around his neck"... but something was clearly cutting off his cord. There was urgency in her voice and she said, something like "he needs to come out on this contraction". As I started to push, she grabbed Colby and pulled, HARD, I could feel her rocking my whole body back and forth. I felt, very clearly, his shoulders stuck inside of me. She said to her assistant (in a very calm voice) "Get the O2". Finally, his shoulders POPPED free and he slid out and let out a huge yell. It was amazing. It was the best sound I've ever heard in my whole life. The midwife said "well, we don't need the O2 anymore!"

It is a little scary that we had an almost-emergency at home but I know that our midwife carries a ton of equipment and most of what would be immediately available at a hospital was right there in my room, ready to go. It worked out really well and I know that I will have another home birth if I get pregnant again. The midwife said he had an "occluded prolapse" and I guess it is pretty rare - I think that means that his cord was pinched somewhere but wasn't obvious where. She said that once his shoulders came out, it looked like he had a tangled bit of cord stuck just above one shoulder.

There is so much more - details about that day and about the 4 days since then. I think of things all the time that I want to write down and keep forever. There definitely is no time left today though. Throughout this story, I've nursed Colby, he took a really long nap on my chest (while I was leaning back ridiculously far for typing) and now he's up nursing again. Time for me to go have some "family time".