Shopping for DNA

So, once Erin and I settled on getting started this spring... tentatively June 22 if all goes well... then, we had to figure out where to get the sperm.

Erin had only two requirements: a green-eyed, philosophy major. Ok, so those are two really specific requirements. I searched and searched for hours and came up with two potential donors from all of the banks that I checked.

We did narrow it down to a "willing to be known" guy so that the child will be able to learn about his/her other biological half when (s)he turns 18.

We decided that we'd prefer to start out by doing the inseminations at home... at least for the first 2-3 cycles just to see if we can make it work that way. I know it is statistically much more successful to get IUI done in a clinic but it is also more than twice as expensive so even if it is twice as successful (and I don't think the difference is that much), we'd rather do it "ourselves".

So, that was easy - almost too easy. I had found a donor, showed Erin his profile and she agreed immediately that he was perfect. I've heard that couples often spend months pouring over profiles and details. We were pretty easy since he was the ONLY guy who had green eyes, a philosophy major, and was "willing-to-be-known". Ok, so the only step left was getting a doc to sign off on the paperwork to release the sperm to us.

So, I downloaded the paperwork and took it to my PCP. She wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with that. She was nice about it but said that since she doesn't even do prenatal care, I'd really have to talk to an OB/GYN about it. Ok, so I did but unfortunately, we're in a really rural area and everyone that I talked to seemed to treat me like I was... well, trying to land a rocket on Mars or something. I got bumped from person to person. It always seemed like "No, we don't do anything like that here" I tried to explain that I didn't want them to DO anything. I just wanted them to sign my paperwork... no good. It may just have been my imagination but I really felt like a lot of this was rooted in homophobia. They honestly seemed like it was the most absurd thing they'd ever heard of.

It was really frustrating.

Plus, I kept seeing guys around town who were really ugly but would technically fit most of the characteristics of our donor (based on height, weight, hair color, etc.)... I kept saying things like "can you imagine if that guy was our donor? Ewwww!"

So, we were sitting around with some friends and I was complaining about how frustrating this all had been. I said that I really wished that we knew a guy who was cute, smart, funny, gay would be nice, who would just give us some sperm. "You should ask KD! - He's perfect!" (I'll call him KD - as in Known Donor for now). Now, keep in mind that I had never even seen this guy before. We found his "myspace" and "facebook" pages though and I had to admit that he is cute and REALLY involved in educational and volunteer stuff... and he's gay. (I think it is good for a known donor to be gay because I suspect that the wife of a straight guy might really have a big problem when she found out that he had other offspring running around... might happen with a gay guy too but for some reason I think he'd find it less threatening than a woman would).

The more we learned about KD, the more we really liked him. He has green eyes. He's double majoring and the two subjects that he chose were E's Mother's and E's Father's majors in college. He mentors kids from the local middle school and also helps out with their Odyssey of the Mind program. Great height and weight... it seemed like every new piece of information just made him sound even better.

Are we completely crazy? - yeah, probably. I think it would be GREAT to have a known donor though. I would love it if the baby could see this guy once, maybe twice a year while growing up. Not to have a dad but to at least have some connection to the other half of their biology.

Yes, there are a TON of legal issues... yes, there are risks but I think that there is a lot to lose with an anonymous donor too. It is tough. So much to think about!