Very Long Post on Home (or Natural) Birth

So, obviously I've been thinking about birth a lot lately. Why is having a home birth important to me?

We watched The Business of Being Born yesterday and while I did enjoy it, I found that I didn't agree with everything that they said. I started thinking about what I do and don't believe about birth in general... of course many of these things may change after I actually experience giving birth but I'm just talking about how I feel right now.

Several people in the movie said something like "birth is a rite of passage" as if that automatically made it more valuable. I do not believe that natural child birth is inherently valuable just because it can be called a "rite of passage". Our culture has many positive rites of passage such as a marriage or graduation ceremony. There are also (what I consider) harsh or negative rites of passage though like a severe beating as initiation into a gang, fraternity/sorority hazing, and even "basic training" in the military is set up to be a rite of passage (among other things).

Oddly, the fraternities, gangs, and military have hit on something that nature "already knew" - the traumatic experience often does make a person or group feel more bonded, loyal and strong. So, in some senses, it does serve a very real purpose in childbirth. Yet, at the same time, hazing is illegal (in all states?) and I was horrified to read about gang members beating their friends (often 13 or 14 years old) nearly to death for no reason other than to "initiate" them. Birth is not a feminist "macho thing" for proving a point. Women should not feel like they have to endure labor in order to be respected as a mother or feel like a failure if they don't end up with a natural birth. To me, when people say "rite of passage", I feel like they're saying - "you must endure this beating in order to get into the mommy club." Labor is not a natural hazing ritual or initiation. However, those odd benefits of strength, commitment, and loyalty that come with enduring trauma can not be overlooked as completely trivial either.

I do not believe that most doctors just want to turn beds over quickly. I prefer to think that doctors really want to relieve pain. That is why they are doctors. They like solving problems, not just sitting there and watching someone suffer (or go through what looks to them like suffering). They may feel that a shorter or less painful labor is really the most "humane" thing even if it does carry some increased risks. They also may be aware of the risk of a malpractice lawsuit and know that doing something puts you at a far lower risk of being sued than doing nothing.

I don't believe that hospitals are "bad". I believe that the majority of people who work there do genuinely want to help. It may be very common for doctors or nurses to push drugs or c-sections more often when they are tired or anxious to go home but I would still prefer to think of those as mostly sub-conscious decisions rather than blatantly selfish ones.

Ok, so what do I believe are my reasons for choosing a home birth?

Over 30% of births in the US are via Cesarean Section. The World Health Organization states that no region in the world is justified in having a cesarean rate greater than 10 to 15 percent. The US has the second-worst infant mortality rate of all developed nations. If you only look at the 7 countries with the highest populations, the US has the highest cesarean rate, the lowest number of births attended by midwives, the lowest number of home births and the worst infant mortality rate. In the 5 European countries with the lowest infant mortality rates, midwives attend more than 70% of the births.

Studies of planned home births by low-risk women, attended by a trained professional, indicate that home birth is at least as safe as hospital birth (See WHO research here section 2.4 Place of Birth).

Hospital labors tend to be longer, on average, than home labors. My theory - many people can't even pee with someone watching or listening. If the body needs a safe, private environment just to pee, it seems logical that women would prefer not to labor with a million strangers coming and going, bright lights, and strange noises.

Many women who had hoped to have a natural birth in a hospital setting find that their labor will not progress without pitocin. The contractions produced by pitocin are much longer and stronger than natural contractions so women almost always need an epidural to cope once pitocin is given.

If the woman started out wanting an epidural from the start, that often slows contractions so pitocin would likely follow.

The epidural is applied directly to the spine specifically so that the mom gets the drugs but baby doesn't. The pain relief means that mom's body stops producing the endorphins and other natural stamina and pain-management drugs that would normally flow both to her and to the baby.

Side effects of the drugs, stronger and longer contractions, lack of maternal endorphins, etc. all make the labor significantly more difficult for baby to handle. The baby is then far more likely to go into distress and require an emergency C-section.


I have read that women who give birth naturally have far lower rates of post-partum depression. The insane cocktail of hormones released during labor is like a runner's high times ten (or more) and helps women to feel like they can conquer anything. Those hormones also help to tell the woman's body that it is time to start producing milk. Women who have a natural birth tend to have a significantly easier time with breastfeeding (especially vs moms who had a c-section). It seems logical that women who are really struggling with breastfeeding would also be more likely to feel inadequate as a new mom. Some studies also suggest that those natural chemicals produced during labor trigger an intense bonding mechanism. A mother's reduced ability to bond with her baby could also lead to depression.

Trading one day of insane pain for increased risk to the baby's health, increased discomfort for the baby, and months of struggling with breastfeeding, bonding, and depression just doesn't sound like a great trade-off to me.

Well, we'll see how I feel about this 3 weeks from now (assuming I've birthed the little guy by then). These are just my feelings about it all now and it helps me to get them all down in a logical order. I know mid-labor is full of doubts and second thoughts so having a very clear idea of why I'm doing this should help.

Still not quite ready but getting there (37 1/2 weeks)

Our house still isn't QUITE finished yet.... but I am so amazed by how close we are. The trim isn't finished, we need closet doors, etc. but here is a photo of the almost finished master bedroom.

More construction photos

37 weeks - Full term

Full term - yikes! He could, technically, come any day now. Most first-time moms go a little late though so I'm pretty sure we've got a few weeks left.

I don't know why this strikes me as so funny but we've ordered this pool from a home birth supply company. It just seems funny to think of delivering a baby among brightly-colored fishies. I'm not entirely sure that I'll even want to deliver Colby in the pool but it was only $30 and we were ordering some other stuff from the company at the same time so I figured what-the-heck. Our midwife has a sump pump that we can borrow so the plan is to just set this up right in our living room. I was somewhat reassured by the fact that our midwife said this is the exact same pool that she delivered her daughter in and that she was very happy with it.

It came with a little net - the kind you use to take dead fish out of the aquarium - for "light debris"... I don't think I want to know what "light debris" is. Ahh, this should be exciting.

Very tired

We've been absolutely working our butts off on getting our remodelling done before Colby arrives. It looks AMAZING but it has been really, really hard work. We've been up late every night and doing really hard work like sanding the floor, building shelves for the new closets, refurbishing the bureau we bought at a used furniture store for Colby, etc. etc.

We've been experimenting with new materials that I've never used before like zero-VOC paint and an all-natural ultra-low-VOC floor finish. I was a bit worried at first because you often have to sacrifice quality for safety but everything has turned out absolutely awesome. I can't get over how cool the floor finish is. I haven't read up on it a ton but it seems to be made from whey that is a by-product of the cheese-making industry. They say that the whey would normally end up in a landfill but they've found a way to make it into this incredibly durable, fast-drying, ultra-low-VOC finish. I was worried about durability but this stuff is already really hard (less than 24 hours old)... it is so much stronger than normal water-based finishes. I'm not sure how it will compare to the hardness of an oil-based finish (it will take a week to fully cure) but it really is impressive so far. Oh, and unlike oil-based, they claim that it won't yellow. I'd take scratched up floors over dark yellow ones any day (our downstairs is already SOO much darker than it was when we originally refinished it).

Ok, break time is over, back to work... It feels awesome to get all of this stuff done though. We're SO CLOSE to being done with our new bedroom and I'm absolutely dying to set up the nursery (which we're sleeping in until our bedroom is done). It will feel really good to actually have a space just for Colby.

36-week photos - yeah, they amaze me too, my belly looks just like a watermellon!

Almost 35 weeks

In the past two weeks, we've had two amazing baby showers. It was so wonderful to see old friends and and get to hang out and feel loved by people from so many different phases of our lives. We were both totally blown away by everyone's generosity and the incredible time and effort that went into so many handmade gifts.

It really does feel awesome to be a part of such a large network of people who care about us and support us. We feel so lucky - especially given that we're starting a fairly non-traditional family - to be surrounded by so much love and support.

During the week between the two baby showers, I got hit pretty hard with the flu. With the exception of going to the bathroom a few times (to get sick or to pee), I slept for 36 hours straight. I couldn't even keep water down. My lips were so dry and cracked, I knew I must be incredibly dehydrated and I started to get a little worried about Colby. Luckily, just as I was getting pretty worried, things started to get better. I could finally drink water. Then, eventually, I could eat tiny amounts of food. I guess I was sick for about 5 days total from "cold" through feeling really terrible and then back to coughing and stuffy nose. It was a little strange - I don't think I've ever had a cold/flu combination before. I'm so glad that is over.

Ahhh, but.... I might have actually lost weight. I went to the mw today and used her crazy scale. First, it said that I'd only gained 0.4 lbs in the last 2 weeks. Not great but I didn't expect much since I'd been sick. Then, just to be sure, I tried again. It said I'd lost 4 lbs! I moved the scale to the other end of the bathroom and got the exact same reading (lost 4 lbs). I tried several more times and finally gave up. At the end of the appointment, I went into the bathroom one more time and got the exact same "lost 4 lbs" reading again. Sure, I was sick but I don't think I was that sick. Looks like I'll have to take a walk down to the college at some point and try their scale.

We've started a "time capsule" for Colby to open when he turns 16. We told everyone about the idea before the baby showers and asked them to contribute something small that represented 2008 to them (a 2008 penny or clippings from a fashion magazine were examples that we gave).

I'll try to remember most of the things (maybe I'll edit later to add anything I've forgotten) -

• a National Geographic magazine on global warming and a reusable grocery bag (the kind available near the checkout at most grocery stores.
• sets of sealed baseball/football cards - I believe it is the Red Sox starting lineup and some rookie cards
• an issue of Spin magazine
• an issue of People magazine
• an article from our local newspaper on gay marriage vs civil union in VT.
• political fliers from all of the current presidential candidates
• state quarters from states the hold particular relevance to our family
• a beautiful little photo album and letter from my grandmother. The letter is written as if she's not still around -she has said she may be mentally or physically gone by then - it was a little weird to realize that this may be one of the strongest impressions that he has of his great-gram (who will be 96 when Colby is 16). She also wrote a lot about my dad who is already deceased and included photos of him.
• an issue of Time magazine
• my brother, who's 10, added a toy that he really likes that shows what kids are playing with in 2008
• a roll of 35mm film and a letter about how picture-taking has really changed dramatically over the last decade. It also mentions the current "high-end" digital camera specs.
• quite a few sealed envelopes that we won't even get to see until Colby does.

My brain isn't working right now, I know there were several more things that I'm not thinking of right now. I'll have to add those later. Erin and I haven't decided what we'll add yet.

Most of the items included a note with them explaining why the person chose that item - I think those will be almost as special as the items themselves.

We also need to come up with some kind of special container to keep all of this stuff in. We were kind of hoping to do something "2008-ish" but haven't thought of anything good. Commemorative Olympic tin maybe? Hmmm.

Almost 33 weeks

(edited because I wrote it way too late at night and had a few random mistakes. It also looked like it needed to be broken up a bit. )

Hmm, this blog is turning into “my pregnancy is so freakin’ cool and I’m going to go on and on about how cool it is”. I really didn’t mean it to end up that way but I am happy and I suppose it is better to record all of the really cool parts than complain all the time.

****************Part 1****************
So, I had said in my last post that I was a little concerned about my super quick weight gain of 7 pounds in 3 weeks. Not incredibly concerned but hoping I didn't continue at quite that rate. I've been eating healthy so I didn’t change anything yet but I was very curious to see the next "weigh-in". Well, I went to the mw on Monday and the scale read only 0.8 lb more than I was 3 weeks earlier!

Normally, that would be bad but I've wondered how accurate her scale is because it is always tipped up against the wall when I come in and I have to set it on the wobbly bathroom floor. (I know, now you're probably wondering what kind of crack-pot mw I'm seeing). Anyway, she said that the scale occasionally gets weird readings but is pretty good overall.

Erin and I were out for a walk on Tuesday and as we were strolling around the local college campus, I popped in to the gym and weighed myself. It was exactly the same as the most recent reading on the mw scale. Soooo, it looks like now I've only gained a very reasonable 8 lbs in 6 weeks, 26 lbs total, and we're just about at 33 weeks.

Everything I've read says that the "ideal" weight gain is 25-35 lbs so I feel reasonably confident that we're on track.

****************Part 2****************
We recently completed our childbirth class that the midwife held in her office. It was fun to hang out with 3 other couples who are all planning home births and talking about cloth diapering.

The class had a fairly good mix of information and also "touchy-feely" stuff about fears and getting in the right mindset for labor and parenting. We did one exercise where we had a lump of clay and were asked to turn back-to-back with our partner and sculpt an animal that somehow represents "good parenting" or has some other family-related strength that you respect.

It was neat to see not only the variety but also how couples often chose the same strengths. One couple both made apes (the exercise was clearly set up to be a surprise so as far as I know, nobody peeked). Another couple, the dad made a penguin and the mom made a duck. The other two couples' animals (Erin and I were one of them) didn't seem to have anything in common to me.

I couldn't think of anything and time was running down so I made a dolphin. I figured they are intelligent and playful. They also seem to teach life-skills to their young. Erin made a kangaroo. I thought that was very sweet. She said that while the non-birth parent in the kangaroo family doesn't actually take turns carrying the young, that it seemed like it would at least be possible in theory. It also seemed to emphasize to me that so much of parenting happens after the actual gestation/birth.

In another class, we had to draw a series of pictures of the journey through not only labor and birth but then realizing that this is only the beginning. We were asked to do the drawing in 3 parts, sort of like "now", "gestation/labor", and "parenting". I absolutely love Erin's drawings. I want to frame them. In the first drawing, she's lying on her stomach in tall grass with big binoculars trying to see the future. The second is a labyrinth. The third is her and a little boy sitting on a hilltop in that classic meditation pose - legs crossed, eyes closed. She explained that someone in a video that we had just watched mentioned that they see the baby as a "teacher". She said that it isn't even necessarily him actively "teaching" but that we already look at ourselves more closely and carefully as parents. She drew both herself and Colby as "wise sages" because as we grow into our role as parents, we will not only teach him but he will teach us.

Quite proud of my darling - those were both such wonderful and insightful lines of thought.

My drawing was not as exciting - it seemed to correctly describe my outlook but I'm not sure it was terribly "deep". I drew a hiker, pack loaded up with just the essentials, belly, big and round, looking out toward a journey that I know will be hard but I feel still excited and fresh. Then, the winding path that sometimes even doubles back on itself. Finally, the bruised, bloody, dirty and blistered hiker sitting by a campfire, cozy tent up in the background holding a baby in her arms. The journey is hard but the view from the top makes you forget all about it.

As we were running out of time, I popped a stick-figure of Erin in there next to me without a pack but still walking beside me the whole time. In the third drawing, she has a few scuffs and scratches too.

****************Part 3****************
The "drywall guys" just finished our bedroom so we're hoping to toss some zero-VOC paint on (or at least just the primer) before we head out for an incredibly busy weekend (concert in MA, baby shower in NH, then back home to VT) so that maybe, just maybe, we'll actually have a nursery for Colby before he arrives. We still need to prime/paint our room, finish the floors, depending on how ambitious I'm feeling, we may even get closet doors, move furniture into our bedroom, paint Colby's room, then move all of his stuff into his room. Phew, we can do all of that in 7 weeks, right?

Happy Thoughts

A quick list of happy thoughts -

• Erin told me yesterday, "I think you've reached the cute part of pregnancy; you look like a cartoon". (I'm taking that in the best possible way.)

• Erin put her head on my chest last night and read bedtime poems to Colby. She read the Jabberwoky (she promised he wouldn't understand it anyway), The Mad Gardener's Song, Winkin, Blinkin, and Nod - maybe some others (I was really tired). Colby played gently while she talked - I felt his little fingers and toes wiggling. I could feel Erin's words vibrate through my chest so I'm sure Colby could hear her too.

• Today is exactly 30 weeks and I still feel great. I had another reflux "episode" a few nights ago (very bad - needed to change all the sheets, scrub the carpet, and empty the trash at 4am). We went out that day and bought bigger pillows though so now I'm back to sleeping great.

• Colby is head-down already - yay! The midwife pressed on my belly to feel his position. Erin put her hands under the midwife's and as they jiggled my belly in one place and then another, the midwife said, "See how when we shake his bum, the whole body shakes, but when we shake his head, it just rocks back and forth". Erin was mildly grossed-out but I thought it was pretty cool.

As of the last midwife appointment, I'd gained 7 pounds in only 3 weeks - Yikes! I'm up to 25 lbs so far. Hmmm, only 10 weeks to go but I'd prefer not to continue gaining 2+ pounds per week. I did notice a huge change in my belly size too though so it seems our little guy had a growth spurt or something.

I mentioned my crazy "heartburn" to my midwife last week. She called it reflux and I realized that was a much more accurate word for describing it. She said that reflux that bad is really unusual so I guess I'm just weird. I haven't really had any of the very common daytime heartburn problems in a long time though so I think it is a fair trade.

A few 30-week pictures.